my favorite quotes from Mitch Hedberg

"Alcoholism is the only disease you can get yelled at for having."

"Wearing a turtle-neck is like being strangled by a really weak guy...all damn day! In fact, if you wear a backpack and a turtle-neck, it's like a weak midget trying to bring you down!"

"My hotel doesn't have a 13th floor because of superstition, but people on the 14th floor, you know what floor you're really on."

"My friend asked me if I wanted a frozen banana, and I said 'No, but I want a regular banana later....so, yeah.'"